Saturday, December 31, 2005

Ick.

I thought after the campaign to normalize pedophilia beastiality would be peddled as commonplace, but I must admit to being surprised by this.

MR: "Excuse me I feel the need to go french kiss a tree."

WaterBoy: "Man, I miss that about Michigan. Frenching the maples in March."

MR: "Ah, true but for me the real maple syrup still comes from VT."


I can hear MR's wife now -

MRsMR -"Just what the hell do you think you are doing?"
MR - It's not sex if you don't have intercourse.
MRsMR - Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!
MR - OW! Stopit, Honey! She doesn't mean anything to me! Really OW! It's just for the syrup! I don't even really like michigan maples! You know I prefer vermonts! OW!
MRsMR - Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap! My mother told me there was something wrong with you. I should *Whap!* have listened.
MR - Waterboy does it, too!
MrsMR - If Waterboy jumped off a cliff...Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!Whap!

Friday, December 30, 2005

MR wants to drive through Mexico with the family

Y'all think that's a good idea?

I would have to do a lot of research before I went with other adults, much less children. I get the impression mexico is a lot like Jamaica - you need to stay in the resort areas to survive.

The Family Truckster




Now that's family transportation! Just look at the ass on those things. And can you beat rear facing thirdrow seats for the fun factor?

For the Record

SB is right.

*and she's a prety good troll spotter, too*

Thursday, December 29, 2005

MiniVan Madness



I see 'em all the time. Minivans darting in and out of traffic, passing at the speed of sound on the interstate. Always some henpecked frustrated wimp behind the wheel.
I ask you, really, what kind of man drives a minivan? And past that; What kind of man drives a Minivan fast?

People didn't drive stationwagons this way. I miss stationwagons.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Anatomy of a Business Call






Phone rings. I see it's a local number I don't recognize. Shit. Somebody probably with a nag that can't walk and hasn't been trimmed in a year, and won't get trimmed again for another year. I let voicemail get it and answer the third call the next day.

JACIII - Yeah. (No sense in encouragin' 'em)
Y - Um, I have some horses that need trimming and one in front shoes that needs to be reset.

JACII - Okay, How many need trimming?
Y - Let's see.... 14. And the one in front shoes.

JACIII - What are they?
Y - What are they??? Uh, they're broodmares. Oh, and a weanling, and a yearling. And two stallions.
JACIII - OK, what are they? (She'll catch on in a minute)
Y - Oh, quarterhorses.

JACIII - When were they trimmed last?
Y - Well, they're three weeks overdue.
JACIII - (Deep calming breath) When were they trimmed last?
Y - Oh, we had 'em on an eight week schedule but, like I said they are three weeks overdue, so... eleven weeks.

JACIII - Got it. Why do you have one in shoes. (It's crippled...)
Y - Oh, that's my baby. I've had her since she was a foal. She's eighteen and I just want her to be comfortable. She has some calcium deposits on her knee and the vet in Wisconsin put special shoes on her. I have them if you want to see them. (These turned out to be cheap caulked shoes someone had beaten the toe square one. Not a bad plan except for the caulks)
JACIII - The vet put shoes on her? (oh, shit, a yankee know-it-all with a yankee know-it-all vet.) What happened to her knee?
Y - It's an old injury. The vet didn't actually put the shoes on, my old blacksnith Larry did. I have them if you want to see them. I don't care what it costs I just want her comfortable.
JACIII - (Get's out the old schedule book) Let's see...
Y - What do you charge?


This Lady's horses were extremely well behaved, had long enough legs to get under them (rare for modern dachshund-like Q-horses), was appreciative of the work, but unappreciative of the bill. Hey! That's a lot of horses! And one of the shoes on the old mare is a twenty dollar (my cost) shoe by it's self. She'd have shit if one of the $400.00 (my cost) shoes had been required.
Note the last question was not the first question she asked as is often the case and tells a farrier where the priorities are in their horses care. She is not your typical quarterhorse owner that wants her horse trimmed in such a manner that it will win a show but become unsound down the road. (No, I don't do that. There are plenty of jack-legs out there who will.) She does, however, think they do it better in Wisconson (yankee - can't help it) where everyone is smarter and knows quite alot about horses, so we shall see how this one goes. After I saw her reaction to the bill, I didn't reschedule her but told her to call in a couple weeks to reschedule . That will give her an out (by not calling) and time to find a cheaper farrier so she wouldn't have to lie were I to call to confirm seven weeks from now.

Such is the life of a horseshoer.